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SURPRISE! No, not really.

November 30, 2009

Being a person of marginal (at best) intelligence, I don’t expect everything in life to make sense. But in the past weeks, events have taken place that don’t surprise me at all. And I really have no clue how anyone else is surprised by them, or how they don’t make sense to them.

~ COUPLE SNEAKS INTO WHITE HOUSE DINNER AND TAKES PICTURE WITH JOE BIDEN: Not surprising. They were probably too afraid of making someone accidentally angry by asking the couple too many questions. Afterall, they could have been Muslim! And Joe Biden? Please. We’re lucky he knows how to find the White House. Although his daughter is rather apt at finding white things, especially under her nose. OH SNAP.

~CLIMATEGATE BREAKS AND NOTHING MAJOR HAPPENS: Silly Conservatives, scandals are only interesting when perpetrated by our side. Nothing EVER major happens when a Liberal does it. Case in point: if a Conservative shoved a cigar into an intern’s naughty place and then lied about it, I’m sorry was ‘speaking in definitions no one knew existed’, not only would he be impeached, but driven out of the Country. A liberal does it and is defended by every member of his party to this day. It would take a lot more than a couple of emails for the liberals to admit Global Warming is a scam. After all, the emails wouldn’t have even existed if the Wonderboy of All Things Warming Globally Al Gore hadn’t invented the internet.

~ IRAN IGNORES CENSURE AND SAYS IT PLANS TO BUILD 10 NEW NUCLEAR POWER PLANTS: NO! Really? Ignores the censure? Has anyone ever NOT ignored a censure? A U.N. censure these days is the equivalent to a Mom setting a plate of cookies in front of her kid and telling him “Don’t touch them or else” when she has never punished him before so he knows he can eat as many as he wants with no consequences besides his own rotting teeth. The surprise would be if Iran complied with ANYTHING, EVER. They’re rebels with a cause, and that cause is to blow anything American or remotely Israeli off the face of the planet.

~ LIBERAL MEDIA ATTACKS YOUNG PALIN SUPPORTER AT BOOK SIGNING: No shocker there. She wore a t-shirt. She asked for it! Forget the fact she can’t vote yet! She obviously supports Palin and should therefore know every word the woman has ever spoken, and carry note cards around in her purse to be able to combat any questions she may encounter at a notoriously hostile venue like Barnes and Noble. Everyone knows, go to a bookstore…bring note cards to justify buying a person’s book. Well just last week, I was at my own Barnes and Noble and was going to buy a book on crocheting, but when I failed to answer a question on the article name of the first written reference of crocheting in The Memoirs of a Highland Lady in 1812 was denied my purchase. It was my fault for being unprepared.

~ ADAM LAMBERT CAUSES SCANDAL WITH AMA PERFORMANCE, SAYS HE’S NOT A “BABYSITTER”: Actually I am kinda surprised, or at least I wouldn’t be if I remembered who Adam Lambert was or cared. But after I googled him and the performance, and his subsequent statements, I wasn’t surprised. Another artist says “It’s not my fault what I do in publicly. It’s not like anyone under the age of 18 watches TV without their parents around.” On a side note, I am going to have to remember to ask my babysitters when I have kids “Do you plan on rubbing people’s faces in your groin and/or same gender kissing? If so, I heard that’s not babysitter behavior, but I was unaware until 2009 when Adam Lambert told me it wasn’t.” We all own him a debt of gratitude for that nugget of information. Until then, I was sure all babysitters did that if you paid them enough.

~ OBAMA JOKES ABOUT JOBS CREATED AT TURKEY PARDONING CEREMONY: Surprised? No. The only parts that surprised me about this whole ceremony were these two things. 1. Obama pardoned the Turkey without commissioning an independent council to determine the nature of the turkey’s alleged crimes that led to his detaining, then after the commission reported it’s findings, they didn’t ship the turkey to a U.S. court, giving him a public defender since turkey pay is minimal, full constitutional rights, and a jury of his turkey peers. 2. The turkey, whose name was Courage, was given to Disneyworld following the ceremony. I was banking on him giving him to PETA so he could then marry a naked celebrity vegetarian and they could live happily ever after.

So, what’s the moral of this post? When you have really low expectations for people, it never surprises me when they don’t even meet the lowest you expect.

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2 comments

  1. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Stefan Zengovski, Justin Cessna. Justin Cessna said: RT @jen004: Things that didn't surprise me: http://bit.ly/7LKz6v […]


  2. I like your comment on Iran… Oh, Iran is being difficult? REALLY? They are ALWAYS so pleasant! Why are we bombing the hell out of Iraq and Afghanistan, but its all kid-gloves with Iran?

    A good read… Keep it up!



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