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The Great And Powerful Jen

February 26, 2010

There are probably very few of you that are aware that I am PSYCHIC. Maybe you do know and you attribute my powers to being able to predict liberal crapola before it happens. Whether it is a paranormal or conservatively VERY normal perception…I have some predictions for things that will happen before the end of the year. Let’s see how good I really am. (At predicting the future I mean. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.)

*****FACT: The ocean got chunky…******

PREDICTION: Of course, they will say this is global warming. But of course, THIS part of the story…

“The calving itself hasn’t been directly linked to climate change but it is related to the natural processes occurring on the ice sheet,” said Rob Massom, a senior scientist at the Australian Antarctic Division and the Antarctic Climate and Ecosystems Cooperative Research Center in Hobart, Tasmania.

will be downplayed. We will all be told it’s the beginning of the movie “The Day After Tomorrow”. Al Gore will come out of hiding, the hiding that he has been in since the horrible weather in the north started snowblowing his global inferno theory, to tell us all to move to Mexico. Where he will run for El Presidente. And once he loses he will demand a recount. Seventeen times.

*******FACT: Governor Rick Perry sues the EPA over greenhouse gas findings.*******

PREDICTION: One of his RIDONKULOUS opponents will twist this to mean he hates the environment. Or he likes to sue people. Or he has a thing against mothers…including but not limited to Mother Nature. Or that he is covering for Bush since everything, including this of course, is Bush’s fault. And when this happens it will further support my theory that his only campaign promise, and entire re-election platform should be “If You Think Texas Sucks….move. Then we will succeed. Then we will laugh at you. VOTE PERRY!” Which would be the most awesome campaign slogan ever. Just saying.

*******FACT: PETA pretends to want to use Tiger Wood’s scandal to get people to spay and neuter their cats.***********

PREDICTION: Everyone will ONCE AGAIN forget liberals love to say that animals should be treated ethically “like humans”. Yet, they are all for ripping out their organs and DENYING THEM THE RIGHT TO CHOOSE OR NOT whether they procreate and have kitties. But then again, if a cat gets preggers, they should have the right to choose or not whether they have the kitties considering they are not kitties, yet little feline fetuses. So we will forget once again that PETA is completely wacko. We will also forget that they are broke, therefore cannot afford advertising, so they use the FREE ADVERTISING of their ASININE ads so they don’t actually have to pay for it. And Fox News advertises PETA more by disagreeing with them than people like Ellen Degeneres do by winning their awards. So prediction will come true…and I also make a side prediction: There will be several more ads like these. And they will start raising money for Haiti’s despondent household pets.

********FACT: Harry Reid’s re-election campaign is in trouble. **********

PREDICTION: He’ll lose. And I will laugh. Hard. He will drown his sorrows by playing Blackjack at the Luxor for 29 hrs. straight. He will lose all of his money. Then, he will write a letter to former Ty Pennington of Extreme Home Makeover and get a new house by telling him that he can’t pay his bills and it’s all Glenn Beck’s fault because he lost his job.

Well, that’s all I have for now. We shall see. Pay no attention to that girl behind this laptop. I am the Great and Powerful Jen.

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