Archive for the ‘Politics’ Category

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You Sank My Battleship!!!!

May 20, 2010

For this blog…we will venture inside my mind, and reading further may result in extreme confusion, wide eyes, lack of comprehension abilities, nausea, blurred vision and sleeplessness. If symptoms continue for more than three hours, consult your family physician. That’s my disclaimer.

This is how I see the situation with the ship sinking incident between North Korea (NK) and South Korea (SK). For some reason unknown to me…I compare them to twin 13 year old boys who look and act completely different. NK is a short, mean, narcissistic bully who continually picks on SK, who is one of those nerdy kids that is so scared of being beat up by his twin that he hides behind his teachers and parents for protection. The following is my representation of the event.

NK: Ummmmmmmm….D-7

SK: You sank my battleship!

NK: Did not!

SK: Did to!

NK: DID NOT DID NOT DID NOT!

SK: DID TO DID TO DID TO!

NK: DID NOT! And if you said I did again, I am going to kill you!

SK: (to Mr. David Cameron-their English teacher) Mr. Cameron! MR. CAMERON!!!! NK sank my battleship and now he’s lying about it! Tell him to apologize! He threatened me!!!!

Mr. Cameron: Let me see the game board. (examines board intensely) Well, NK…I looked at it from every angle and it looks like to me that you sunk his battleship. Are you still going to deny it?

NK: Listen, Mr. Cameron. I didn‘t sink his stupid ship. It’s none of your business anyways. You can’t prove I did anything.

Mr. Cameron: Well, NK…if I find evidence that you are lying…again…we are going to have a problem. It makes me very unhappy when you make bad decisions. I am going to go think about this some more we’ll talk after class. (goes back to the front of the room)

NK: (sticks tongue out at Mr. Cameron when his back is turned, whispers to SK) Wimp!! Remember when he was all “I’m giving you detention” then didn’t because our step dad (whose name is Barry Obama) was pissed? He won’t do shit…so there!

SK: NO ONE ELSE IS PLAYING BATTLESHIP WITH US! It HAD to be you! No one else was here! And if you beat me up I will tell Barry and he will totally do what he did last time. Remember when you threw all those rocks in the creek and almost hit me in the head? He lectured you and took an eighth of your allowance for a week. He’ll totally do it again!

NK: (sarcastically mocking SK’s voice) Watch out! Barry‘s gonna yell at you! BIG WHOOP! Barry the Baby…LOSER! He’s like sooooo freakin’ scared that people won’t like him if he gets mad and is all “Please don’t be mad at me, I’m so sorry and stuff” instead of doing anything. I‘ll beat him up too! I have like all these bats and rocks and bb guns and paintball guns hidden all over my room. Barry even said he searched it and he didn’t even find it all. He’s not gonna stop me.

SK: That’s not funny NK. You promised everybody a long time ago that you wouldn’t beat me up anymore. Everyone will be real mad if you break your promise. Principal Kin-moon and Mr. Cameron and uncle Paul Rudd and our Russian tutor Mr. Medvedev AND Barry will all be really mad at you. I’ll tell them all you threatened me and then you’ll be sorry!

NK: (gets real close to SK’s face trying to look and sound threatening) If you tell on me or tell anyone or do anything like that….it will be war. Think hard about what you’re doing, cause then I’ll do anything and everything I can to make your life hell SK. I swear to Buddha…I will destroy you. I will kill you. I know you think everybody always takes your side, but just remember…not everyone cares about you. Mr. Jintao…you know…step dad Barry’s boss at the Chinese Restaurant? He told me one time that he thought Barry was an idiot and that you were a crybaby. He told me if I wanted that he would tell Barry to leave me alone or he would cut his paycheck in half. You and I both know Barry is broke and he needs that money to pay his hospital bills…so he totally kisses Mr. Jintao’s ass. Dude, like the other day, Barry was all begging for forgiveness and crying like a little girl cause that lady, over on Phoenix Ct. in our neighborhood….um, that Jan Brewer chick….was trying to get rid of the stray cats on her street and send them back where they belong. Mr. Jintao asked him about it just to see what Barry would say, and he’s such a little sissy and was all…”I don’t support what Ms. Brewer is doing. I apologize that someone in our neighborhood would do something like that to an innocent cat. I am so sorry Mr. Jintao…don’t be mad. Please don’t cut my hours…I really need the money right now.” Dude, he was practically begging and Mr. Jintao doesn’t even LIKE cats! He was just messing with his head. He thinks Barry’s a joke. So, go ahead, SK. I feel like Chinese for lunch anyways…

SK: Screw you, NK. You think you‘re all big and bad. One day you‘re gonna pay. I know Barry’s a wimp, and that Mr. Cameron and Principle Kin-moon and Uncle Paul Rudd and Mr. Medvedev are scared to punish you, even though they all grown-up and stuff. But….you know Mom (meaning their mother, Lady Libertea Freeman, Libby for short) is getting REAL sick of Barry. He never pays the bills and owes people money and has never kept a single promise he has made to her before they got married. I give them like two more years, MAX, before she kicks him to the curb. You know it’s true. He even called Grandma racist because she drinks tea or something stupid like that, which pissed Mom off really bad. So, this isn’t over. Not by a long shot. I AM going to tell, and if Barry doesn’t do anything then I will just wait until Mom kicks him out and I’ll bet she’ll marry someone who won’t be afraid of you next time. You just wait NK. Just wait. You are going to pay for being mean to me…and everyone is going to hate you more than they already do. You are nothing but a short, tiny, mean little boy who can‘t even ride carnival rides cause you ain‘t tall enough.

NK: (laughing sarcastically) Oh you’ve got jokes!!! Never heard that one before, NOT! I am so gonna kick your ass. Like I said, tell on me and it’s war. Look at me wrong and it’s war. Dude, if I even see you within 10 feet of my bedroom door…it’s war. You never know…maybe next time I am throwing rocks in the creek I will just “accidentally” knock you in the eye. You’ll never know when it’s gonna happen. Mom might get rid of Barry in a couple years, you’re right about that. But lucky for me, that means I have two years to make your life hell without anyone doing anything about it. All they’ll do is lecture me about being nice to you and maybe take away some of my allowance for like a week. What a joke.

*BELL RINGS*

Mr. Cameron: Ok, class dismissed. (motions for NK to stay behind) NK…don’t forget that I will be looking into our little dispute today. I will be calling your step dad Barry to discuss it. Until then, I want you to think very hard about how you treat SK, ok? (NK puts on a fake smile and nods his head) Promise? (NK nods again) I know you have had a problem with lying in the past. I have given you chance after chance and one day you aren’t going to have any chances left I hope you understand why I am being so harsh on you. It’s only because I care. (NK stifles a laugh as he walks out the door)

End scene. Cut. Exit stage left.

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The Price is Right

March 24, 2010

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Let’s face it people. This health care bill was NOT about what people believed in or what they wanted for our great Nation. This health care bill, the votes that were FOR this health care bill, were simply about what price it would take for them to abandon their beliefs. All this has told us is their price. Stupak was pro-life. Now, he is nothing more than a sell-out.

Ask me what price it would take for me to support abortion funding. Go ahead ask me.

I

HAVE

NO

PRICE

ON

MY

BELIEFS!

There is nothing you could do, no amount of money you could throw at me, NOTHING at ALL that you could say that would make me waiver on that. That is called character. If someone can make you change your beliefs for any reason, then you DO NOT and NEVER WILL qualify to lead anyone. You are then JUST ANOTHER FOLLOWER.

There is no difference between putting a price on your vote, than a judge putting a price on his ruling. It is criminal and outrageously UNCONSTITUTIONAL. It ENRAGES me and if it does not enrage you than you need to re-evaluate YOUR belief system as well. I receive a little solace in knowing that these people will one day answer to God for their activities, although the Patriot in me wants them all in JAIL for their crimes. Their crimes do not just make a mockery of their job as Congressmen, but they make a mockery of our entire democracy. This is not about health care anymore. This is about ethics, character, and moral fiber. I would have more respect for a liberal vegetarian who would never eat meat based on their moral beliefs than I ever would for a pro-life conservative who would change their beliefs for a new airport or 30 million in campaign contributions. It’s amazing to me that these people, the socialist progressives who are supposed to hate the corporate elitists, are just that! Hypocritical seems too light of a term.

I just pray the rest of America sees what I see.

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The Cold Hard Facts…

February 11, 2010

I do not claim to be an expert in science. In fact it was my least favorite class in school. I dissected a frog…and that marked the end of any hope I had of being a doctor. Does this make me ignorant about science? Maybe. But we can all agree that liberals THRIVE on science…the only thing they can believe in and still hate God. Which is cool by me. Go for it. Not my concern.

HOWEVER, I do feel bad for them. Explaining ridiculous theories…is just that. Ridiculous.

Outside my parents house where I am right now there is 34 inches of snow on the ground. Now I am only 5’2″. Which means that it’s over half of my size.

So there is Cold Hard Fact #1: There is snow on the ground.

Secondly, I think we can all agree that if the temperature outside is above 32 degrees..or freezing…that snow will not fall. IOW, if it’s 80 outside, chances are you will not be snowboarding down a hill that day.

So there is Cold Hard Fact #2: Snow only falls when it is very cold outside.

I once lived in a house without air conditioning. *never again, Lord willing* When it was so hot outside I felt like I was oozing into a melted pool of Jen…to cool down I would get out a couple ice cubes and rub them on my neck. Because the air was hot…I used an ice cube to cool down. I did NOT use an electric blanket to stay cool. Because warm+warm= really warm, without exception.

So there is Cold Hard Fact #3: When it is too hot, you get something cold to cool you down. When it is too cold, you get something warm to make you hotter.

Today, someone said there was a direct correlation between the snowstorms and them validating global warming. He stated that the warm air ascends, cools off, then creates snow. Now, like I said…not a science whiz…but isn’t that proving it doesn’t exist? If the warm air cools down as it rises (which I also know warm air tends to do) and then it cools …then the planet is not in jeopardy of frying to death. It is medically impossible to lay down on the snow, in a bikini, and get warmer. If you have hot tea, and add an ice cube, the hot tea doesn’t freeze…it melts the cube.

So there is Cold Hard Fact #4: Warm air does not create cool air…ever…but it does counteract it.

Therefore, if snow to you is caused by the Earth being too warm….no matter what poll, statistic, web link, news article or blog says…

COLD HARD FACT #5: WARM AIR MELTS SNOW. IF THE PLANET WAS WARM…IT WOULD NOT SNOW.

And that my friends, is as simple as it gets. I don’t need to be a rocket scientist, an environmental advocate, or even a climatologist to figure that one out.

But hey, like I said, if you choose to believe it…go for it. But before you leave a comment saying you do believe in it…I’d like to propose a wonderful opportunity just for you. It’s this new beachfront tropical paradise in Fargo, North Dakota I can give you a great deal on. It also has a view of the Dead Sea. HURRY! TIme is running out! It won’t stay vacant for long!


(So there is Cold Hard Fact #6: You’d also be a complete idiot. Just saying.)

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American Fault Lines

September 23, 2009

We all know about fault lines. They are the breaks in tectonic plates that when things shift a little bit cause the ground to shake above. We blame the lines for the earthquake and fundamentally that is an accurate assessment. Americans like to find the fault in events. The earth moves, we can point to the fault lines and say THIS is why. Is it always that easy though?

Nazi Germany killed millions of Jews in death camps. We see this situation and say, it was Hitler. It was Hilter’s upbringing and hatred for his mother. It was the greed and obsession of a dictator. But is it really that easy to determine?

The Titanic sunk in the middle of the ocean. We blame the iceberg. We blame the ship being too big with too small of a rudder. We blame the ship going to fast to turn. But is it really that easy to determine?

Pearl Harbor was attack by the Japanese almost wiping out the complete western fleet. We blame the Japanese. We blame not enough intelligence. We blame surprise. But is it really that easy to determine?

Hurricane Katrina flooded New Orleans and claimed hundreds. We blame the levees. We blame the residents that didn’t evacuate. We blame FEMA for not responding quicker. But is it really that easy to determine?

We see our government slowly eroding our freedoms. We blame Obama, the liberals, George Bush, the CIA…etc. But is it really that easy to determine?

I could list tragedy after sick tragedy and the answer would be the same. No. It is not that easy. There is one common theme with this reasons I have stated though. They forget the linking reason. One reason that caused all the reasons for the disasters. Our inaction. We ALLOWED those things to happen. Hilter’s regime was made up of hundreds of thousands of Germans who let him do his deeds by not acting when it could have saved lives. The crew of the Titanic let arrogance and inaction cause their ship to slam into that berg. Pearl Harbor had the inaction of their commander-in-chief…you get my drift.

For our current situation, we can blame the usual suspects, but just like all the rest we forget the most obvious and blatant source for the events coming to pass. Us. We let it happen. We cannot blame Obama alone. We cannot blame the czars, or the democratic party, or anyone BEFORE we blame ourselves.

Not only can we not forget the part that we all play in this, we also cannot ignore the fact that if we do not change what we did wrong, that it will lead to more dire and more catastrophic things happening. No matter what role the other players have in this game, we had the opportunity, the means, and the knowledge to make sure it didn’t happen. We ignored our part in it and if we continue to lay fault without recognizing our own things will continue down the slippery slope that they are on. You must first look within before you look at the outside source of the problem.

Will you change your ways? I will. Maybe if we catch ourselves before the things get too bad we can avoid the horrible things that are currently in our future. If we cannot stop them, then at least we will be able to say that we did everything in our power to stop them.

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My Apologies

September 17, 2009

Dear Signers Of The Declaration of Independence,

In the few years preceding 1776, your ideals and morals lead to the creation of this great Country. You risked it all. Your lives, your families, and your fortunes. You were the men of greatness, whose words still grace our lips, whose speeches have inspired for centuries, and whose valiant bravery of defiance should serve as a model for the ages. You were before your time, you were brilliant, and we are humbled by your legacies. I am sorry it was all for nothing.

You fought against the taxation of the public without a voice representing you. Today, we have one of the highest tax burdens and we have a congress that serves their own interests before our own. I did not stop it from happening. I am sorry.

You fought against a tyrannical King who publicly called you treasonous. You saw a potential for this Country. A Country that was not based on tyranny but yet rejoiced in freedom. Today, we have a government who has seized control of car companies, insurance companies, banks, and now wants free reign of our healthcare. I did not stop it from happening. I am sorry.

Your children were young and ideological. They lied about their ages to be able to fight for their freedoms against the British Army. Today, our children are lost, forgotten, complacent, and spoiled. I did not stop it from happening. I am sorry.

You wanted us to be able to worship freely without fear of persecution. You belived religion was a basis of a good society. You put God in your speeches and documents. Today, a Christian is heckled, called names by our government, and shunned for their beliefs. I did not stop it from happening. I am sorry.

You provided a structure for government. Three branches, check and balaces, so that no one person or entity has complete control. You wanted the control to remain in the hands of the people. Today, we have a plethora of Czars who are an entity of the government but yet not accountable to anyone but the White House. I did not stop it from happening. I am sorry.

You and the Patriots of this Country risked everything for us to become independent of Britain. Centuries later, we have forgotten our roots, forgotten our history, forgotten your sacrifice. We mock you with our arrogance and self absorbed nature. We allow the oppression of others. We do not stand always on the side of freedom. We have let your dream become our nightmare. I did not stop it from happening. I am sorry.

I have made mistakes. I have stood ideally by. I have not spoken for freedom, for you. I have been a part of the problem and not the solution. You deserve better. I did not change my ways. I am sorry.

No more will I do these things, and this is my vow. I will look to you for my inspiration. I will look to you for bravery. I will look to you for a model. You deserve that at the very least. I may have failed but from here on out I will not give up until we succeed. I never again want to say I am sorry. You did not mistake mediocre for greatness. Neither will I.

Sincerely, and truly,

Jenifer

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A How-To Guide for Liberals

September 14, 2009

I kinda feel sorry for the liberals. I mean, I don’t know from experience or anything, but it must be difficult having to explain the unexplainable all the time. For example, why is it global warming when it is neither effecting the whole globe nor is actually warming? Or explaining how its understandable why Clinton cheated and not when Mark Sanford does it? Well, I cannot answer those questions for you but I figured I would take a break from making liberals jobs harder and take a moment to try to help out some of my friends on the left. So therefore, I will take a moment to provide liberals with a How-To guide of things to say when asked about the 9-12 March on Washington.

After asked why did so many people show up for the 9-12 March on Washington you liberals should reply with one or more of the following…

1. Obviously they are all racists. And the black people that were there were racists against half-black people and gay people.

2. It was obviously a coincidence that they were all there on the same day, at the same time, with signs relaying the same message.

3. They were paid by Fox Propaganda Network.

4. They lie.

5. Didn’t you hear Janet Napolitano? They are TERRORISTS!

6. It was really a million liberals impersonating conservatives for the biggest punk’d prank ever.

7. They obviously took a picture of the two people that were there and photoshopped in the rest.

8. All of them have terminally ill and oppose universal healthcare because they want everyone to die with them.

9. A million people? Yeah right! I counted 999,998.

10. When was the last time anyone cheered on 9-12? Thats right. When Al-Queda did it.

11. A March? Like as in marching? I remember someone else marching. It was Hilter’s troops.

12. Opposing the President is un-American.

13. I heard they drug a black person behind a truck while the rest of the people cheered.

14. 12 is one less than 11 and 9 is two more than 11. K is the 11th letter of the alphabet. So obviously they all belong to the KKK.

15. They were opposing healthcare because it has the word care in it and conservatives hate everyone.

16. It was free lemonade day at a Pennsylvania Ave. street vendor. Most of them were there for that.

17. They are definitely all rich. Only rich people oppose taxes.

18. It was a teabagging convention. They are just all really sexual deviants.

19. They weren’t protesting OUR taxes and healthcare. They were protesting CANADA’s. We were just looking out for Canadians.

And if all else fails, if you cannot explain the unexplainable, if you are beated down by conservative logic, and if you have no other options….simply say…

20. I blame George Bush for the March.

Well, my Left Lefty McLeftersons…I hope this helps. I have your back. Don’t say I never did anything for you!

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Our Fifth Grade President

September 9, 2009

When I was in elementary school, and someone would make fun of me, my mom said it was because it was they secretly liked me or were jealous of me. Name calling, chasing each other around, making comments about one’s parents or such, have always been regarded as playground tactics. Something ten year olds do when they can’t express themselves, so they do it in the best juvenile way they know how. Of course the flaw in this schoolchild reasoning is that if you make fun of someone you secretly like or admire, then all you end up doing is making them angry and you’ll never reach your intended goal of making out with them on the four-square court or borrowing their clothes at a sleepover. Apparently, this basic knowledge of childhood psychology is lost on the current liberal officials. Apparently, CHANGE also applies to the maturity level of our most prominent elected officials. Specifically, the one that sleeps in 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

On http://www.barackobama.com, the website promoting Health Care Reform Now, it originally had a post stating that on September 11, the day that should be reserved for NOTHING EXCEPT remembering the thousands of lives lost in a horrific and vicious attack on our own soil, the President of the United States of America and his lackeys at the DNC organized an event, a “stay at home event”. Citizens were urged to sit on their behinds at home and call their representatives and senators to tell them “I am mad as hell and I am not going to take it anymore!” and “because it is American to take care of our own”. No….I am not joking. Those words were literally on the site. Now, lets just assume that only half of America finds it offensive to use the word hell in such a manner. Oh well, that’s not the worst of it by far. Barry and his boys go on to say this AND I QUOTE:

All 50 states are coordinating in this – as we fight back against our own RIGHT WING TERRORISTS who are subverting the American Democratic Process, WHIPPED TO A FRENZY by their Fox PROPAGANDA Network ceaselessly re-seizing power for their TREACHEROUS leaders.

DEFEAT ANTI-DEMOCRATIC FORCES OF HATE WHO CONSPIRE TO REMAIN HEALTHY+WEALTHY WHILE THE PUBLIC LANGUISHES UNDER THE BURDEN OF OUR CURRENT HEALTH CARE SYSTEM-

And the total name calls of the leftist liars is…..(drumroll please) 8. In two sentences. If it wasn’t so absolutely sickening you might actually be amazed at the skill. In case you don’t see the eight names under the veil of something or other, let me assist.

1. Right Wing TERRORISTS
2. Anti-democracy (please someone tell that man to look up the definition of democracy PLEASEEEEEEE)
3. Frenzied (implying insanity)
4. Propagandists
5. Treasonous
6. Hateful
7. Conspirists
8. Healthy and Wealthy

WHEW! Well, silly me! This whole time I thought that our President was above the tactics of some pre-pubescent boy. That makes it blatantly obvious that he is looking for a bi-partisan healthy debate. Right? (wipes dripping sarcasm)

NOT ONLY are his words so angering that it makes my blood boil until a blood infused steam is running through my veins, they have the GULL to make it on SEPTEMBER 11? Un-freaking-imaginable. Even for his standards. Which is probably why the link is no longer available. Thanks to modern technology and the ever constant vigil eye of sites like Smart Girl Nation and The Heritage Foundation we have the page listed on other sites.

I just don’t understand when they are going to get the simple math of it all. We are angry. They know we are angry. They call us names. We get more angry. They know we get more angry. Angry + Angrier = Angriest. Never in the history of the human race has Angry + Angrier = Loves it! You have to put something else in there to get to us being ok with what you are doing. An example of this would be Angry + Angrier + Your Resignation = LOVES IT! See how that works?

Mr. Obama, you have once again proved you are a disgrace. Congratulations are in order though. I honestly thought you would never surprise me with how low you could sink. You showed me, huh?

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