Posts Tagged ‘facts’

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The Cold Hard Facts…

February 11, 2010

I do not claim to be an expert in science. In fact it was my least favorite class in school. I dissected a frog…and that marked the end of any hope I had of being a doctor. Does this make me ignorant about science? Maybe. But we can all agree that liberals THRIVE on science…the only thing they can believe in and still hate God. Which is cool by me. Go for it. Not my concern.

HOWEVER, I do feel bad for them. Explaining ridiculous theories…is just that. Ridiculous.

Outside my parents house where I am right now there is 34 inches of snow on the ground. Now I am only 5’2″. Which means that it’s over half of my size.

So there is Cold Hard Fact #1: There is snow on the ground.

Secondly, I think we can all agree that if the temperature outside is above 32 degrees..or freezing…that snow will not fall. IOW, if it’s 80 outside, chances are you will not be snowboarding down a hill that day.

So there is Cold Hard Fact #2: Snow only falls when it is very cold outside.

I once lived in a house without air conditioning. *never again, Lord willing* When it was so hot outside I felt like I was oozing into a melted pool of Jen…to cool down I would get out a couple ice cubes and rub them on my neck. Because the air was hot…I used an ice cube to cool down. I did NOT use an electric blanket to stay cool. Because warm+warm= really warm, without exception.

So there is Cold Hard Fact #3: When it is too hot, you get something cold to cool you down. When it is too cold, you get something warm to make you hotter.

Today, someone said there was a direct correlation between the snowstorms and them validating global warming. He stated that the warm air ascends, cools off, then creates snow. Now, like I said…not a science whiz…but isn’t that proving it doesn’t exist? If the warm air cools down as it rises (which I also know warm air tends to do) and then it cools …then the planet is not in jeopardy of frying to death. It is medically impossible to lay down on the snow, in a bikini, and get warmer. If you have hot tea, and add an ice cube, the hot tea doesn’t freeze…it melts the cube.

So there is Cold Hard Fact #4: Warm air does not create cool air…ever…but it does counteract it.

Therefore, if snow to you is caused by the Earth being too warm….no matter what poll, statistic, web link, news article or blog says…

COLD HARD FACT #5: WARM AIR MELTS SNOW. IF THE PLANET WAS WARM…IT WOULD NOT SNOW.

And that my friends, is as simple as it gets. I don’t need to be a rocket scientist, an environmental advocate, or even a climatologist to figure that one out.

But hey, like I said, if you choose to believe it…go for it. But before you leave a comment saying you do believe in it…I’d like to propose a wonderful opportunity just for you. It’s this new beachfront tropical paradise in Fargo, North Dakota I can give you a great deal on. It also has a view of the Dead Sea. HURRY! TIme is running out! It won’t stay vacant for long!


(So there is Cold Hard Fact #6: You’d also be a complete idiot. Just saying.)

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25 Random Jen Facts

June 23, 2009

1. I started playing the violin when I was three. I was so excited to get my first violin that I ran to the car, fell and smashed it. The place where we bought it from replaced it because I was so upset.

2. I only got in trouble once in my life. I got a teacher assigned detention in the 9th grade for chewing gum in class. I cried that I would not get into a good college if it was in my record and that it was unfair since I was only chewing gum since I had a sore throat and ran out of cough drops. He didn’t make me serve the detention.

3. I got thrown out of a voting booth in the 8th grade for wearing to much Dole/Kemp paraphernalia and trying to sway voters at the polls.

4. If Starbucks came in IV form, I would buy a lifetime supply.

5. My favorite thing to do when I am around extremely drunk friends is to choose that moment to show them I have dentures and watch them freak out.

6. My grandparents were missionaries in Africa for 48 years in Mali, Africa. My grandpa was once walking in the jungle, got hit on the head with a coconut, and was unconscious for 24 hours before someone found him.

7. I met Bill Clinton at the Iowa caucus in 1996 and told him I had never been more disgusted to meet anyone in my life.

8. For my 16th birthday, my parents surprised me and rented the local news helicopter to pick me up from the soccer field at my school and fly me to my backyard where there was a huge party. It flew me over the Horseshoe and downtown Columbus. They had originally planned on a hot air balloon, but it was too windy.

9. No matter where I am, not matter what I am doing, no matter how I feel, no matter who I am with…if Lee Greenwood’s God Bless The USA comes on, I will cry.

10. I ate my very first peanut butter and jelly sandwich when I was 25.

11. My best friend Ambyr gets excited for what she calls “Jen Story Time” where I tell stories about my life for hours on end. I do this with everyone…but she is the only one who gets excited about it.

12. I physically hurt people during Ohio State games. When it gets close and someone is running for a touchdown…I have been know to punch people repeatedly while screaming “GO GO GO GO GO” I do not feel guilty for leaving bruises. They should be worn as a badge of honor representing the complete Buckeye experience.

13. A judge in Ohio once ordered my boyfriend and I to break up saying “The amount of time, and therefore money that is spent sending police officers to your house to break up your fights is unacceptable. You are costing the State of Ohio too much money. Both of you are to stay away from each other.” We left the courtroom and got back together.

14. I once won 3,383 nickels on a slot machine in Vegas. I was highly disappointed that instead of getting actual nickels I just got a ticket with the money amount printed on it.

15. Growing up, every friday from the time I was in kindergarten through high school, my mom would hide a “surprise” in my lunch. There would be a note and a little gift. Anything from a cool pencil set, to earrings, to hair clips. My friends used to get excited for me to open my lunch on fridays. My Mom never missed a Friday. The “Friday Surprise” idea was tried by the families of my friends but none of them kept up for long. Hence, my Mom rocks.

16. When I learned of the 9/11 attacks I got in my car and raced to the Red Cross to give blood. I was denied because I am anemic. The day afterward, my parents made a huge bulletin board on stilts out in front of their house. It was the American flag on a gigantic piece of plywood with the words “God is our Refuge”.

17. My Parents, their town, and all of their dogs names start with the same letter. Bob, Becky, Buford, Barkley, Beatrix, and Bailee in Bruceton Mills. I am Jen. Go figure.

18. Everytime I see a military fighter jet headed away from land, I always say “Go get ’em, boys!!!”. I know that most of the time they’re not going to combat…but just in case.

19. In the eighth grade, we were doing superlatives for the yearbook. Officially I was voted most likely to succeed and most organized. However, my science teacher insisted that the appropriate category for me to win was “Republican Most Likely To Start The Next Watergate”. So, 75% of the student body wrote that in the margins of their ballots and voted for me. I proudly took the title.

20. My prom date got grounded the night before prom. The day of prom, my dad knocked on my door while I was sulking in my room, and when I opened it he was in his tux. He told me to hurry up and put on my dress and get pretty. I did. He rented a limo and he took me out to dinner and a movie so I could wear my dress.

21. I have always said I am a magnet for felons. Almost all of the loves of my life have had a record. When I was a leasing agent at an apartment complex, the FBI showed up and asked about one of the residents who had previously asked me out. Apparently the name I knew him by, was the identity of one of the five people he had killed in a bank robbery in Kansas City. We went to his apartment, I knocked on the door, a FBI sniper behind me if he had tried to run or hurt me. Luckily, the apartment was vacant and he was already gone. A year later I got a letter in the mail from him under another name telling me he thought about me all the time. I drove to the local FBI office and gave them the note. Still never found out if he was caught.

22. After my gallbladder surgery I was on a push button of Dilotid. I apparently called my mom and told her I had made out with a doctor that had mono and she needed to come and pick up my dogs. I then proceeded to call everyone in my phone book. When I got home, I called my best friend and asked why they had not called me the entire time I was hospitalized, to which they informed me they had talked to me at least twice a day. Moral of the story: Take my phone away from me if morphine is involved.

23. I was very politically involved in a campaign of a certain Republican candidate for the US Senate. His extremely radical liberal opponent knew who I was because I would attend his rallies and hand out literature for my candidate while he was speaking. On my first day of college, I went to Political Science 101 and was floored that he was my professor. He didn’t notice me for the first fifteen minutes. The rest of the semester was awful. He failed me because I argued with him everyday. I considered that a good thing.

24. I’ve been snorkeling in the Caymen Islands and learned the hard way that if you open the bag of fish food they give you while you are underwater…that the fish will try to eat you getting the food floating around your face. I also learned my father would then be laughing so hard at me being freaked out that he could not help.

25. I’ve learned that character is what you do when you think no one is watching. If I was ever accused of being a Christian Conservative in a court of law, I want the prosecution to have enough evidence to convict me beyond a reasonable doubt. I want to dramatically, passionately, unapologetically, compassionately, charismatically, and wholly live the life I was meant to.