Posts Tagged ‘help’

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Is That Even A Word?

November 6, 2009

I was doomed to be a geek from the start. My parents both taught in the public school system that I attended from Kindergarten to my Freshman year. I inherited a special rare gene that carries very unique DNA. The technical term for this gene is the “WHY CAN THE AVERAGE AMERICAN NOT SPELL OR USE PROPER GRAMMAR?” Gene (patent pending). For those of you blessed enough to not carry this gene, you may have found yourself asking one of your ‘smart friends’ at least once in your life, “Is that even a word?” I, being afflicted with the gene, get asked that question no less than 7 times a week. That is an average of….let’s see….7 times a week x 52 weeks a year x the 25 years I have been alive + the 5 years I have been alive that I lie about = well, several times.

You may be asking yourself, “Self, that is all well and good, but do we think spelling or grammar is a political issue?” If you answered yourself, “Self, no we don’t think it is” then you’re right on the money. It is not a political issue per se. There are bad spellers and people who use improper english who are Republican, Democrat, Independent, Conservative, Moderate and most definitely Liberal. It could almost be considered one of the only things that don’t add to our parties intrinsic differences. I will give you an example of a word both left and right wing individuals have a problem with.

Q: IS ALOT A WORD?

A: No. It is two separate words. A LOT. ALOT is not a word just because people enunciate A and LOT far too quickly and without pause when used as phrase. If every phrase that people mispronounce fast became official English words, then we would be required to make “Forreals”, “Nunya”, “Atcha”, and “Chu” words as well.

Republicans, Democrats and Independents alike all use “alot” in sentences. I see it everyday. It is actually a pet peeve.

This got me me thinking…I know Liberals and Conservatives both have sort of a “special” language. I know there are some Liberal words that I didn’t know were actual words as conversely Conservatives do with Liberals. So again, in the spirit of veracity, I will give you a list of Conservative words so that, if you are ever caught in a situation where you are having a dialogue with one of us, you will know precisely what we are talking about.

TROLL: Some might remember TROLLS as ugly, hideous, destitute creatures who make their abodes under various bridges. This original definition of the word is almost exactly the same as the Conservative definition of an ignorant liberal. So to save time, we have interchanged the two. Ignorant liberal = TROLL.
USED IN A SENTENCE: Nancy Pelosi is such a troll and the botox doesn’t help the situation.

OBAMANATION: Many are unaware that this word also appears in the bible. Many words are spelled differently in different areas of the world. Britain spells the word color as colour. Some spell it gray and others spell the word grey. Apparently, in the King James era it was spelled abomination where as today it is spelled OBAMANATION. Just like color / colour and gray / grey the meaning does not change with just because it is spelled different just like abomination / OBAMANATION. In the dictionary, abomination is defined as: abhorrence; disgust or a cause of abhorrence or disgust. OBAMANATION is defined as the same, in correlation with the time period and administration headed by Obama.
USED IN A SENTENCE: In my prayers today, I asked God to forgive this Obamanation for they know not what they do.

DITTOHEAD: Liberals use this word as an insult, but Conservatives use it as a compliment describing an individual who agrees with everything Rush Limbaugh says. I earned this title early in my life when I first wore my “Rush Limbaugh For President” sweatshirt to school in the 8th Grade. Not everyone is a prolific as myself in their Conservatism and may have earned the title later in life. There is no age limit on becoming a DITTOHEAD. I firmly believe that when I become pregnant, if I use those headphones that go on top of a pregnant belly to broadcast sound into the womb, my child will be born as a DITTOHEAD.
USED IN A SENTENCE: After listening to the EIB network for years, I have become an official Dittohead.

OLBYHATE: I actually just learned this Conservative word. It refers to the hate inflicted by Keith Olbermann on his show on MSNBC “Countdown with Keith Olbermann”. Since he as proven habitually that he cannot do a show without calling Conservatives names, many with with juvenile humor undertones, OLBYHATE is used to characterize this behavior. Just because the word is commonly used to describe Keith Olbermann specifically, it is not limited to him as an individual. Other Liberals who use this same type of decorum may also be identified as using OLBYHATE.
USED IN SENTENCE: It seems that being on the same channel as Olbermann has influence Rachel Maddow to use the same kind of Olbyhate.

KOOL-AIDER: Kool-Aid is traditionally used as a child’s beverage. It is a powered drink mix that when mixed with water and sugar is moderately refreshing. Kool-Aid in and of itself is not innately evil, but thanks to Jim Jones and his cult members of The Peoples Temple in Jonestown, Guyana there is a evil connotation associated with it. In 1978, Jones forced his 900 cult followers to drink grape Kool-Aid laced with cyanide which resulted in 900 dead including Jones himself. After that, the term “drinking the Kool-Aid” referred to following someone blindly even if it leads to horrific deeds and actions. Today, Conservatives have coined the term KOOL-AIDER as a person, or media outlet, that does not question the mountain of discrepancies this administration feeds us day after day. Someone who blindly follows Obama, even when the result is trillions of dollars in national debt and the destruction of personal liberties.
USED IN A SENTENCE: Oprah is a Kool-Aider who is going to let Obama squander her millions to support his causes.

Now, obviously, this short list is not the Conservative dictionary in its entirety. We have many more words we use. But, as I stated before, I wanted to give Liberals a glimpse into our special language. That way maybe, just maybe, if you have Liberal who asks time and time again, “Is that even a word?” you can forward them to this page to let them know that although it might not be a word used by the entire English speaking community, it is a word that is used by the Conservative speaking community. Any other words that Conservatives believe should be added to this list, please do not hesitate to leave them in the comment section below. Oh and Liberals, you’re welcome. It was my pleasure.

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